Depression

December 1 ,2009

I got up and decided I would go to the school and have lunch with the kids. I was going to have lunch with Kiefer on thursday. Coy and I had Dr. appt. on wed. so I couldn't go then so I told Maranda to tell kiefer to call me and tell me what to bring. I can't go to both the same day because of the times. I tried to get him on his cell phone but couldn't, found out their cell phones had been taken. They had been grounded for 2 weeks, did not even think about that and was not allowed to go eat with them. But tuesday night here comes Tony, Rochell, Kiefer and Maranda. Well when Tony came in he said something and the first thing I thought about was What have I done now they did not approve of, did't even think about lunch that day. Well from then on it was not good for me. I fell into a state of depression and could not even go to bed, stayed up all night. Next morning I completely lost it. They have talked about me to so many people, I don't feel like I have anyont to talk to but Nancy and did not want to call her at work. My close friend came over but I did not want her to come in but she did any way. Stayed with me until almost noon. Coy had A Dr. Appt. I skipped mine. I told him to go.

I went for days in a depressed state, not eating or sleeping. A nervous wreck. You would think I would get use to them doing this to me, it has happened about 5 times since Tony came home.
But I guess you never get use to your kids abusing you. It is not right or fair after all we have done for that child.
I am still in a state of unhappiness trying to pull out before christmas. Called Dr. got some help.
I am not fond of taking pills, but sometimes it helps. Had to do that after we lost Vanessa and Mother. Had a slight nervous breakdown in 2007 because of them. stayed in bed for 3 weeks.
They did it to me in May of this year also Just not as bad. God forgive them for they know not what they are doing to me. There is lots more I could tell but not now it upsets me too bad and makes me want to crawl in a dark corner and never come out. We already had plans to go out there for Christmas morning, They always have a big breakfast and open gifts. I was supose to make chocolate syrup or gravy, what ever you want to call it. Was really looking forward to it. Now I don't know if I can be a part of it. I would feel so uncomfortable, out of place.
I have other health issues in my body but that is not important, I just want peace and happiness in my last few days or years whichever it may be.
Sherri I understand depression

GOD BLESS ALL