CHRISTMAS 2010

It was a very lonely time, but so sick I really didn 't care. The nurses kept me company at night when I was too sick to sleep. I felt like I was near death's door and no body cared. Spent the whole christmas day by myself. The nurses felt sorry for me, so they came in my room every 15 minutes it seem like, to check on me.

If Jeanette had been here, I feel sure she would have kept me company with her comments and jokes. She was so sweet and funny, funny. I miss her so much.

I am not one of these people that has to be praised for what I do but would like my family to at least ( act ) like they care. I do so many special things for them, anytime they ask I try to accomodate them even if I don't feel like it. I always thought family was supose to be so loving and caring, but I guess I have failed them in some way to make them treat me the way they do. I tried to raise them to realize that family was so important.
I loved all my brothers and sisters, and yes things was not always peachy between us but the love was still there. You just have to learn to keep your distance when things is not quite right and eventially it will be OK again. It happen many times. I still try to keep the bond between us there, I try to have a dinner every year and there is always someone who does not feel the importance of to be there. I know I have one sister who lives far away and cannot come, but the ones who live short distances does not feel the importance of it. I know her desire is to be with us. We have spent a month with them the last three years and enjoyed it so much, we keep going back. They can only say I tried. This year I guess I will not have it, I have been too sick but I know no one is going to step up to the plate and take over and do it. We have another one missing this year and next year we do not know what it will hold for us. I tell them every year when I call, you better come because we are all getting older and health problems creeping up on us, one of us may not be here another year. Now we have two who have gone on to be with the Lord, out of eight. We are very fortinate to have spent a lot of years together.

When I am gone my kids will miss me, I know, but it will be too late for some of them to show me.I don't want a lot, just a hello. I could not make it without my oldest Nancy, she is so special to me. A wonderful daughter, mother and a grandmother. She has had a lot of hard knocks in life, but has come out a wonderful,caring person. Everyone who knows her recognizes that. God broke the mold when he made her, I don't know what happen to the rest.
I love my grandkids so much and they love me, so I am going to focus on them these coming years and not so much on my kids, that is some of them. I told Pam I could use some help after knee surgery, she came one day, because I ask her too, I needed to discuss finances with her, the only reason. One phone call in six weeks. None while in hospital either time, Tony, one visit only , either time, reason they had to meet someone at the airport and came early, no phone calls.
James he lives in Louisiana, five hours away. Was going to come, had cold I said no. I got phone calls.
YES I AM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. LOL

In the hospital I met a lot of hurting hearts and made a lot of friends, some of which is becoming very special to me. So I can have a family of friends, and I do have a lot of friends that are very special to me. I am sending one of my nurses a bible like mine, she liked it so well.
I will keep doing the best that I can for as long as the Lord leaves me here. I am just me. You only heve one set of parents, love them with all your heart, even though you dont always see eye to eye.

GOD BLESS AND KEEP ALL OF YOU AND HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR.