ANOTHER HEARTACHE

January 18,2012
Was awakened at about 1:30 in the morning by a phone call, you always wonder and just know something is wrong somewhere.
It was Rosie telling me Kevin had received a call that JR had just passed. He will be his caretaker, hope he is mine when I go, I lknow I will be handled with care. Not pulled and throwed around, I have worked with bodies before and all bodies is not treated with care.
I called Roy and Faye after I talked with Rosie and Nancy called me, Kevin had called her also. I am so glad the cousins are getting to know each other.
My brother Roy has had to endure so much heartache with the passing of his two sons. He is pretty broke up, It told him we would be leaving as soon as we got Maranda to school. She had spent the night. Tuesday night is her night, she had quit for a long time and not is back, I just let them make their decision as to when they come. Do not ask any more if they can come over.

We left and went by and picked up Rosie my sister, she was riding up there with us. We gathered up a few clothes, even though I needed to come back home, but I knew they needed me up there. was very glad we stayed. I am not well and just wanted to be home. My brother is more important to be with right now. He held me so tight and we boo hooed together for a long time. I just cant imagine loosing 2 of my kids. Life isn't fair and it has dealt him a bad deal. He is very strong, has had 15 stents, open heart surgery and endured a lot and still standing. He said it should have been me with all the health problems and broken down body.
Her and I had a great visit and crying spells all the way up there. Coy was with us but he never talks any where we go. I talk to myself, he never has no comments or anything. Living with a different person than I spent 50 years with. It is really quite lonesome sometimes, that is why I talk on the phone a lot. Don't even like too but I am always thinking of someone with whom I can talk with. If it is just to say hello to someone.

When we got there Roy had his little girl Lucy and that is his sanity, loves that girl, She was a God sent to him to give him a little joy in life.
It was terribly sad day and several days and still is. I know they miss him terribly bad they was there every day, close by and his sister Alesha took care of him every morning. My heart goes out to her, his wife and kids. His step kids was just like his own. Even his first wife and mother of his two kids took it really hard, you could tell she still loved him very much. We will miss him when we go up, but we was not there every day like they was. Losing love ones is so hard but when you see some one suffer like him and no relief in site, you have to let them go. It was so hard for Roy to say I will be OK here and give him permission to go be with Jesus. I pray every day God wraps his arms around him and embrases him with Love and comfort.

Had a chat with Pat one of my nieces, will not go into details, but she knows she has really messed up in lots of ways, she cried but there is no restitution that she can make for what she has done, just live with it. She told me that. Suffers every day.
that is the way it is when we make wrong decisions in life. I have made a few as I know everyone has. God help us to love everyday and always no matter what is done to us. God will take care of things if we just let him. I am really trying to do that.
Have come a long ways since my grand daughter said something to me. I have thought a lot about it and it is ever before me.
She don't talk about anybody and always sees the good in every body and everything. I would like to think I have a little part in that. Had her for 6 years. Love her like my own child. Been put through a lot becausse of her but I am a stronger person because of it. Cannot dwell on it, leave it in God's hands.

God Bless