CHRISTMAS 2010

It was a very lonely time, but so sick I really didn 't care. The nurses kept me company at night when I was too sick to sleep. I felt like I was near death's door and no body cared. Spent the whole christmas day by myself. The nurses felt sorry for me, so they came in my room every 15 minutes it seem like, to check on me.

If Jeanette had been here, I feel sure she would have kept me company with her comments and jokes. She was so sweet and funny, funny. I miss her so much.

I am not one of these people that has to be praised for what I do but would like my family to at least ( act ) like they care. I do so many special things for them, anytime they ask I try to accomodate them even if I don't feel like it. I always thought family was supose to be so loving and caring, but I guess I have failed them in some way to make them treat me the way they do. I tried to raise them to realize that family was so important.
I loved all my brothers and sisters, and yes things was not always peachy between us but the love was still there. You just have to learn to keep your distance when things is not quite right and eventially it will be OK again. It happen many times. I still try to keep the bond between us there, I try to have a dinner every year and there is always someone who does not feel the importance of to be there. I know I have one sister who lives far away and cannot come, but the ones who live short distances does not feel the importance of it. I know her desire is to be with us. We have spent a month with them the last three years and enjoyed it so much, we keep going back. They can only say I tried. This year I guess I will not have it, I have been too sick but I know no one is going to step up to the plate and take over and do it. We have another one missing this year and next year we do not know what it will hold for us. I tell them every year when I call, you better come because we are all getting older and health problems creeping up on us, one of us may not be here another year. Now we have two who have gone on to be with the Lord, out of eight. We are very fortinate to have spent a lot of years together.

When I am gone my kids will miss me, I know, but it will be too late for some of them to show me.I don't want a lot, just a hello. I could not make it without my oldest Nancy, she is so special to me. A wonderful daughter, mother and a grandmother. She has had a lot of hard knocks in life, but has come out a wonderful,caring person. Everyone who knows her recognizes that. God broke the mold when he made her, I don't know what happen to the rest.
I love my grandkids so much and they love me, so I am going to focus on them these coming years and not so much on my kids, that is some of them. I told Pam I could use some help after knee surgery, she came one day, because I ask her too, I needed to discuss finances with her, the only reason. One phone call in six weeks. None while in hospital either time, Tony, one visit only , either time, reason they had to meet someone at the airport and came early, no phone calls.
James he lives in Louisiana, five hours away. Was going to come, had cold I said no. I got phone calls.
YES I AM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. LOL

In the hospital I met a lot of hurting hearts and made a lot of friends, some of which is becoming very special to me. So I can have a family of friends, and I do have a lot of friends that are very special to me. I am sending one of my nurses a bible like mine, she liked it so well.
I will keep doing the best that I can for as long as the Lord leaves me here. I am just me. You only heve one set of parents, love them with all your heart, even though you dont always see eye to eye.

GOD BLESS AND KEEP ALL OF YOU AND HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR.

LONG TIME COMING

I know it has been a long time since I posted, Have not been well and don't know if I will ever be again or not. So many things has happen since my last one, I will try to get you up to date. Have not even read any ones blog lately. Looking forward to 2011 maybe it will be better. I will try to finish this blog.


I got sick Dec. 21 at about 4 am. I got sick at my stomach, then diarrah, then come the blood. I poured blood all day. Coy had a Dr. appt for 2:45, did not know if I would be able to go with him or not. I called Nancy to see if she could meet him over there if I was not able. She thought I had a virus, I did not tell her what was going on. I did get to feeling better,not so sick at my stomach. We went on to the Dr. found out Coy needs a total shoulder, his rotator cuff is completely gone. We would have to see another Dr. They would call with an appointment. We came straight home from there. Nancy had hired a girl to come clean my house for my Christmas present and she was here finishing up when we returned. I was so sick, I came in and immediately went a laid down in the living room. I kept thinking the blood would stop, but it didn't. I still told no one how bad I was. I went to bed, got up on Wed. morning and I was no better as I knew that, it was all night. I called my gastro Dr. as soon as he opened, told the nurse what was going on and Dr. Hardin called me back personally, told me to come straight to the hospital, if I came to his office he would just have to send me somewhere else to get test run, so it would be better if I came straight to the Hospital, in which I did. I was there before 9:30. Was going to take shower and wash my hair before I went but he said no come now.

They run blood test of all kinds, hooked me up to IV, did a CT scan and admitted me.

Well when they admitted me I knew I had to tell someone where I was. So I finally called Nancy after I got in my room which was nearly time for her to get off work and I knew she would be calling me as she always does to check up on us. I told her not to come over, I would call her later. I guess she told some of the other kids Maranda called and said they was coming up, Rochell had to see some one as they was coming in on a plane and they was going to the airport.

I was so sick. As soon as I got sick the day before I begin my liquid diet. They kept me on it for 6 days. I was really getting weak. No energy. They did O&P and cultures the next day.

Dr. Hardin said he thought I had food poisioning that just completely made a mess out of my colon. I already had Diverticulum and that caused Diverticulitis and ulcerated colitis so I was in real bad shape and besides that I was dehydrated so they poured the liquids in me.

There I was laid up in the bed and needing to exercise my knee to keep it from getting stiff and didn't even feel like holding my head up. I slept a lot taking pain medicine, the pain was so bad.

I begin having water stools. That was bad and the odor was awful.

Thanks for everyone prayers, that is how I made it through. God is so Good. Sometimes he puts us through things so we can be a blessing to someone else.

TAKE FOR GRANITE

The things we take as a everyday thing may not be here tomorrow.

I talked with my brother-in- law and it is so sad some of the things he told me. How he loved to smell the bed where Jeanette lay, it smelled so good. He said he neglected to tell her enough how good she smelled. Now he misses that so much. He said Every night she took a bath and always put some cologne on, her favorite was ESTEE. Years ago she liked white linin but she told me several weeks ago she could not stand that smell anymore. She could not stand to pass someone in the store that had that on. Some nights it is so hard to go in the bedroom, that is where Jeanette was most of the time, he said. Her oxygen was in there.

Someone ask him why he was still wearing his wedding band, he told him he would probably always wear it, he was still married as far as he was concerned. She is still in my heart and will always be there. He had no intentions of looking for anyone else and there would never be another for him. He loved his wife with all his heart. Sometimes people is thoughtless or just plain don't care for others feelings.

We also talked about the two quilt tops Jeanette had just made one was a fan quilt she posted on her blog. He said that was going on his bed.When he gets ready I will take it to the quilting lady to be quilted. He was not ready to let go of anything of hers. He wanted to keep everything close to him.
He even laid the law down to the kids they better not bother anything that was theirs or hers, that was their home, he would help them get on their feet but he was not going to support them, they would have to get out on their own asap. If he found anything was missing it would be out the door. He gave them orders about keeping the house clean the beds stripped, carpet shampooing and vacuumed.
He is still having a hard time but seems to have a level head about what he expects out of life.
He will continue camping with the family and other things they enjoyed together.

Him and the kids are going to church, he said I had to find me another place to sit for now, could not sit where they usually sit together.
So many changes in his life, I am holding him up in my prayers, I know it has to be tough.
May God Richly Bless Him, He is a wonderful person.

SICK, SICK , SICK

I have been so sick since our return home. I had fever when we left California but I thought it was just stress. I got really sick the day of my Sister funeral. Fever at night, begin taking my antiobiotic but it did not work this time.
We took my sister Sue and David to Oklahoma on tuesday and I was getting sicker and sicker. We only stayed 1 night and planned to stay 2 or 3, but I needed to get home.
We went through Eureka Springs to visit our dear friend Vi. We had a wonderful visit talking about the past when we lived next door. Our church and all the people we was aquainted with. She kept asking about David and Sue and where they lived and would describe the exact place.
She sure missed all her friends but is ready to go and be with her Coy. She talkes about him a lot. It was so good to see her again. She is 91, probably not long left here on this old earth.

We was able to drive to Conway where we stayed for the night. Next morning we went to Coys ear doctor and then on to LR. I went by my urologist and they took a urine sample and made a culture. I was still taking the Cipro and had been since Saturday. Was not working. Drinking a lot of cranberry juice, buttermilk and eating yougurt. That is supose to be good for it. It didn't work either.
Monday they called the results, I have a bacterial infection that was resistent to Cipro, I needed a different kind of antiobiotic. They ordered me Doxycycline. I begin taking right away. Had fever and night sweats all night last night. Slept all day today. Do not feel well at all. I feel like my whole body is poisoned. It may be, going so long with a bladder infection.

Tomorrow I am going for my pre-testing for my knee surgery. I hope they pospone it but they told me yesterday it would not interfere with that. It is just I have so much I need to get done before and don't feel like doing anything. I have managed to get some of the clother put up. There is still a lot to do.
It is raining today but it has been so hot and dry we lost a lot of plants around the house.
It is going to turn cold one day so we bought some wood, Coy thinks he will be able to cut wood, I don't think so. He worked on the yard a little yesterday and every 10 minutes he was sitting in the house.
Have got to go and rest some more. GOD BLESS

RETURN HOME

I don't know if I can write or not with such heaviness in my heart it is very sad day for all of us.

Nancy picked us up at the air port and brought Maranda and Kiefer with her, she said it would be good for us and it was. Maranda hung onto me and said please don't be sad Mamaw, she said.

Please don't cry. She cannot stand to see my cry.

JUST VISITING

I went to the cemetary just to visit and talk with my baby sister. I miss her so much, we shared many happy moments. I know it is just her body there , she is resting in the arms of Jesus. Sometime I think of her there and am a little jealous, she is seeing heaven and her mansion before me. She said to me many times before we left if anything happen to her before we finished our vacation, do not cut it short to come back. She knew I would.

Nancy would take a day off from work and Jeanette would come over and we would quilt together. She said I did not like points in making a quilt so she would help me with it.
I had them over for supper a few weeks before we left. We played a game of dominoes. Tried to have a family gathering but it did not work out. I keep telling my brothers and sisters, one of us will be gone one of these days, so we better get together as often as we can. I have a gathering between Christmas and the first of every year here at my house, there is always one missing (Sue). This year there will definitely be three missing. I have tried to hold our family together as much as possible.

The tears are flowing while I am trying to write, have had many break downs, she would not want me to be so sad, but if it were me she would feel the same way. I really broke down after maranda left today, she does not like to see me cry. I have wanted to call her so many times, I have her phone # still in my phone. It is hard to erase.
REST IN PEACE MY DEAR SWEET SISTER

MY BABY SISTER JEANETTE

I have many things to write about, We just came off our trip to Canada, the Youkon, Alaska and California. But I can only think of the passing of my baby sister. It was such a shock to get the word. I have not been able to stop since we got home.
Wednesday morning October 6 we received the word of her passing. That was the day we was to return home. It was a bad triip being in a plane all day, not talking to anyone back here, only thinking of all the times we spent together.
Spent the whole day crying off and on.
When we landed in LR two of my grand kids was waiting with my daughter. It was so good to see family. Could not sleep that night.
Kept thinking of the last conversation I had with her that day. Had no idea it would be the last one.

I remember the day she was born, the day she came home from the hospital. She was so tiny, so sweet. Mother was not well, so my oldest brother and I had to take turns missing school to help out around the house, we was the oldest in the family. It was tough, had to work doubly hard to keep up our grades. Almost failed that year. Mother finally had to go get help and re-entered the hospital. Our grandmother on my dad's side came to stay with us. She became so mean to us, other arrangements had to be made. Mother was gone several weeks. Dad had to work and make a living. There was eight of us kids.
My job was mainly taking care of Jeanette. I even slept with her. We lived behind the Hope Pentecostal Church in Walter Donaldson.s house. All of us girls slept in the back room, which was very large ( there was 4 girls ) . Had lots of windows across the back and a sloped ceiling.
Jeanette and I always slept together next to the door of Mother and Dads room. I was her big sister and when I married we was very close, she begged me not to leave her. By that time we had been through many hardships. Lost our Dad to a heart attack. Jeanette was 5 years old then and we lived on Thornton place on Clust trail off 167. We lived in the curve on Hwy 35 going toward Benton when Dad had his first heart attack. We moved to Thornton place where he passed. He lived 2 years after his first attack.
Mother got down in her back and could not get out of bed for about a month, so My mothers sister and family had to come stay with us to help out, I don't think they stayed at night, maybe once in a while.
Jeanette was the youngest so she was with Dad every day and was very attached. She had a hard time dealing with the loss of her dad. She would sit in his lap a lot, which was most of the time, take walks with him during the day, while we was at school.
Mr. Johnson who lived past us, down the gravel road, stopped by every day. He always brought Jeanette a piece of candy and brought our mail to us. Him and daddy was very close. He was there visiting the morning God called Dad home. They always sit around the wood stove and shared stories of their life. He thought Jeanette was the sweetest thing he had ever met.

After every thing was settled Mother bought a house and from Duffie Jackson, we moved over on the Redfield cutoff road. I still shared a room with my 3 sisters. We had a much larger room there. Always had two beds. Rosie and Sue slept in one and Me and Jeanette one. I guess she slept with them after I got married and moved a way. Which was a year later. Moved to california. I have notes Jeanette wrote to me somewhere, will have to find them. She cried so much after I left. Letters from Mother told me how she missed me.

Now I am missing her in my life.